my life is crashing around me

so- the question of all questions came last night, he asked if i want to be with him! not sure he wants to be with me anymore.

We had a massive conversation about whats happened and he is not sure he can give me anything that i want. i told him that i am scared. it's hard coz i know that i have always wanted to be a mum at some point, but he has no feelings like that.

the more we talked, the more we went round and round in circles. though he did say that he always thought the babies would just happen (id be sick, pill wouldn't work etc) and it doesn't want to plan it!

This changed things- but i did point out that there would still have to be a decision somewhere along the line that we were ready!

so yet again we are back to square 1. he is concerned that he is holding me back from the things that i want in life- which to be honest it the first time he has actually admitted that!

He also called me lazy! this did not go down well. also making comments about how im overweight. way to make a girl feel special. he blames this as one reason why i am always tired. though i was quick to point out, i have always needed a lot of sleep... i just used to do it whilst he was at work!!!

so- not sure where we go from here. he has suggested that we could take a break from living together and it would force us to make more of an effort- but to be honest, that would just feel like we are going backwards.

so here we are... not quite knowing what to do next.... knowing that I love him with all my heart....
BUT  I want to get married and have babies
x

Take That

countdown to viewing........ a week on Friday!!!! I cannot wait.
Mum is coming up to visit, the tickets have arrived and Im very excited!!!!
x

Why are mums always right?

She told me to just stick things out and a job would come along!

Now it has, and I have finally handed my notice in and I am sooooo happy!!!

the job I went for a few months back? well, they called me and asked if I was still interested!!!

So come 20th june, I will be there, in my new job! wooooooooooooooo

So I only have to work 16 more days in that place! and although I will be really sad to say bye to some people, I am really looking forward to a new challenge and hopefully being much happier than i am now!!!!!!!

Its going to come round soooo quickly!!! wooooooooooooo

the problem with bf's

Who want to think they are forever Peter pan means that they will never want to grow up.

we'r still together.....

not sure if it was the right choice.

people keep saying that he'l never change,

I want to believe he will

but I don't want to wait forever

even now it is obvious that things aren't right

what a mess!

not sure what to do, but i want things to go back to the way they were

but I can't see how they can, not now he has been so honest about marriage!

i guess I always thought we both wanted the same things

what if we dont?

I want to die!

OMG-
i want to die
i can't live without him
why can't he see that!

head fucked

What to do-why does life have to be soo difficult.

He is the love of my life... full on I want marriage and babies...

but he doesn't.

I don't think it is something I am willing to give up.

and I don't think he will ever change.

I mean we have talked about it before... plenty of times. and he has always said that it would happen. then comes the bombshell, he doesn't know if he will ever be ready.

I know it is what i want. and I have always been honest about that.

What do i do now. I don't know whether to stay and keep hoping that one day he will change his mind.

or to cut my losses now

Life is shit!

Welshy Angel